Ahhh!

Buying my friend some tulips and a vase: Wonderful

Spending time with that friend and just talking: Wonderful

Going home with no plans for the rest of the day: Wonderful

Cuddling with the Husband and watching old Lost episodes online: Wonderful

A day without anxiety attacks: Priceless.

~B

He Can See Something Else

Like Samwise, I am here for you.

We will make it up this daunting mountain.

We will help each other as we climb.

Your hurt is more than mine, yet I love you and so, a lot of the time,

I think I almost hurt as strongly as you.

I see your tears.

I see your writhing in emotional pain and I hurt.

We will make it--it doesn't seem like it will be a "fun" ride, but we will make it.

"From this one moment I can't see very far, From this one moment I'm square in the dark, These are the things I will trust in my heart: You can see something else." ~S. Groves

He sees something else.

He sees the intricately woven tapestry.

It's beautiful, yet ferociously created.

Life is so heavy and painful right now for you, and for me--it's going to be a beautiful creation when it's over and we can look back on it.

Because He is in control.

I promise.

~B

Circles

There's a cycle that my husband and I have noticed in our relationship.....
It's in the shape of a circle.

---------------------

You start at the top-
You are new to each-other,
In love with each-other,
Happy to see one another.
Passionate.
Loving.
Under a spell, if you will.

Then you hit a patch,
it gets bumpy.
It's hard to communicate.
It's hard to want to be loving/respectful to one another.
It's hard to understand each-other.
The passion fades.
Feelings are hurt.
You start to like each-other less.
Time spent apart.
Communication gap.

Tears.
Tears.
Anger.
Tears.

It's normal.
It's where we have to put our hearts
into God's hands completely.
We reach out to Him.
We cling onto Him.

We don't let go of Him.
We try to encourage one another, while grasping for the Life-Vest
that will save our marriage
once again.

And soon,
if we hang on long enough.
The passion will come back.
The pain will subside.
The anger will be dealt with.
The communication is slow, but at least it starts.
Trying to fall back under
that spell
called
a
Good
Marriage.

~B

Like I've said before:
Good Marriage=Hard work.

Divorce

Divorce packs a painful punch, I know this, and I'm not even from a family that has parents that are divorced.....

It's a cycle that's hard to break.

It teaches that when a spouse doesn't match up to what we want from them, that we just leave.

It teaches non-commitment.

It teaches that love is conditional.

It makes the children on edge: Will Mommy still love me if I don't match up to what she wants from me?

It teaches children to think that it's their fault.

Grow up, peoples. Divorce isn't the answer.

No wonder God hates it.

Hate is a pretty strong word from the creator of the Universe.

~B

Birthdays

For my birthday,
Hubby gave me:
sushi rolls
and
spring rolls.

It must be....

it has to be.....

love!

~B

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I love this time of the year--Christmas week.

My hubby is usually home for the week after the Holidays and I love it.

We stay up late laughing.

We do projects.

We make good food.

Sometimes we don't make food at all= cereal.

We go sledding.

We sometimes go to a movie.

We just bum.

It's LUXURIOUS.

It's b e a u t i f u l.

It's pure family.

It's wonderful to have him around-he brings SO very much to the dynamic of this family.

Thank you, Hubby, for it all!!

And, Lord, with all gratefulness, thank you for this beautiful slice of life.

~B

As Emily Would Say: "It's All Good".

I spent the night praying about it and it's all good.

My hubby made me see that this is just how these people deal with certain situations (like us). ;0)

It's okay. Really. It's not a big deal that this part of that family didn't get invited.

He thinks it's because we have "religious convictions", I think it's because they didn't know where to put six more people.

It's all okay.

One of these days, we'll sit down and have a nice little chat with these people and work it all out--because the bible says that we are to figure things out to make peace with each other (MAJOR paraphrase).

I just decided to not even address it with the hosts, just ignore it like it never happened, and then if the subject comes up again, we'll address it.

No sweat.

Right? :)

Well, there's a few strange feelings here, but it's all good--with my hubby at my side, I can figure this one out without them.

~B

Makes a Great Substitute When Times are Tough

Hubby,

Just think of all the money that we'll save!!

~B

Um... it's me again.

Hubby,
I have modified my original want--unless, of course, you have
already purchased something from here for me.

Here is the new little ditty-above.
Children's names and our names in the smaller disc.
Our family scripture around the big disc.
$58.00.

Sounds simple enough for me.
~B

I Meant It

Hubby,

Just a friendly and loving reminder.

Christmas is coming, you know?
:)

~B

:)

He's home.

I'm happy.

~B

The Countdown is ON!

Hopefully~~in 24 hours ( or less) I will be in the arms of my hubby again!

~B

The Blessed Struggle

It's so hard to be fighting with a spouse when you are this far away from them.

It's so hard to be fighting with a spouse--period

It's SO hard.

We talked today about how we were fighting a lot and how we normally don't fight.

We spoke of how easy it would be, if we weren't married, just to break up.

We get lost in the hardness of life and we forget how wonderful it is when it is good (and it is SO good when it is good and it's good most of the time).

I see people getting divorces everywhere. They leave each other, they wipe their hands clean and they are done--or so they think.

They think that by leaving that one person, that they won't have struggles like that with the other person that they meet.

Do they think that they won't have hardships and struggles?

They will--guaranteed.

And then will they give up on that marriage?

It's a vicious cycle, people--don't give up on your spouse.

Don't give up on the sanctity of marriage.

It's God's plan--don't give up on it.

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him--And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2: 18, 23, 24

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:21, 22

" Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..." Ephesians 5: 25

"Why has the Lord abandoned us?" I'll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made to each other on your wedding day when you were young. But you have been disloyal to her though she remained your faithful companion, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn't the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. "For I hate divorce!" says the Lord, the God of Israel. "It is as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat," says the Lord Almighty. "So guard yourself; always remain loyal to your wife."

I think it's pretty clear what God is trying to tell us--every one of us.

~B

I Miss.

Do you remember when,
love was young
and
to see each-other was
such bliss?

Do you remember
stealing kisses?
And feeling on top of the world?

It was such bliss!

I still get so excited
to hear from you
and to see you!

I still look forward to every evening,
spending all of my energy and time with you.

It is good when you are around.
It is fun when you are home.

What a difference one person can make!
What a difference that you make!

~B

You Don't Have to, but It Helps.

What can I say to you, dear,
to get you to understand,
how very much I appreciate
the power that you hold in your hand

I snuck this photo of you washing up the kitchen this past Sunday
and I took it because I wanted you to know
that I noticed.

I notice when you help me around the house after a crazy day of educating/molding the children.
I notice when you put an extra load of wash in and quickly get it folded when I'm not even looking.

When you take this time to do this for me, it speaks to me that you care.
It tells me that you realize that I need a helping hand and even though the dishes will be soon piled up again at breakfast,
you know how it will lighten my ever busy load.

You don't have to do it, but goodness, it helps my heart so much.

~B

Counselor

Today, for the first time, I went in and met with a "Christian Counselor", or "Specialized Therapist". I don't know what her title is, but she specializes in whatever my issues are. :)

{I suppose I should feel like hiding this fact, but I don't really the need to.}

It was strange, and it was strange that I was perfectly comfortable telling this perfect stranger my very personal struggles..... I kept on having out of body experiences: sharing with her and then jolting at the thought that this person didn't know me and that I was paying her a lot of money to just sit and listen to me.

I was paying for her to sit and listen to me....... hmmm......?

She asked me questions about this and that, she seemed really interested {of course...}.

My mind kept on saying: "You are talking to someone that you are paying, not a friend...." It was an awkward okay-ness (?) to share with her, sort of a disconnection, like sharing details of my life so that she could write a book on me, etc.

I was curious about how she would handle it once my "time was done", I glanced at the clock and saw that an hour had passed, she waited a few minutes and then stood up gracefully and then I stood up, knowing full well that it was my time to get out of there. I had only paid for this certain amount of time, I guess. ;-)

I meet with her again next week, {if all goes as planned} except my spouse will be with me. I wonder what my mind will be saying then, and what will his mind be saying!?!?!

~B

Just the Presence of Him

I don't know why that I am not like the other women. They seem not affected at all by their spouses being gone for periods of time.

But I am.

It makes me reflect more (I do enough of that already) and it makes me ponder the widows of the world.

It makes me think of how sad it is that a lot of people don't have what I have and I say that in all humbleness, because my good marriage is there not because of me, but because of something that I know nothing about.

I hate having him gone. There's no goal for the evening. No door opening, with the children herding to get around him. There's no scratchy kiss. No fresh-out-of-the-shower-making coffee-conversation--just quietness.

And I hate quietness like this.

~B

Phone Tag

My husband and I have had a volatile phone relationship in the years that we have been together. I don't know if it's him being too logical or me being too emotional... but I know that it for me, has been an issue.

With the new year right on the edge of our lives, I am trying to start a new, but small venture for myself: don't call my man, unless absolutely necessary. Three days down: 362 days to go.......

I have decided that even though we have the luxury of calling each other while he's at work, that it will just be better to not call him. There will be less conflict, less confusion and maybe we'll even miss each other more.

No more feeling like I am interrupting him at work. No more feeling insecure when his tone changes. No more of him misunderstanding what I am saying.

For him: no more interruptions. No more dealing with the wife misunderstanding what he's saying.

Today I had to ask him questions about something with our children.... I texted. It worked well, even though I still was feeling odd about "typing" something that would take 5 seconds to deal with over the phone. With texting, it took a good 15 minutes to get all the details worked out.... but he was riding back home from a place out of town and it worked out well enough.

Maybe this is wrong of me to think of as a solution, we'll see how it goes.....

~B

Two Wills

This picture represents the wills
of two people married to one another.

Two wills that have been friends for almost 19 years.

Eagles are strong, beautiful, majestic; when they fight... it hurts.

Struggles in a healthy marriage are inevitable. They happen. Oh, but they cut.

I won't give up. I know this inherently.

A covenant made between God and two people cannot be broken.

We made a promise and we will both keep it.

But, ugh, this little struggle is hard right now for this little eagle.

~B

A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.

--Ruth Graham