Ahhh!

Buying my friend some tulips and a vase: Wonderful

Spending time with that friend and just talking: Wonderful

Going home with no plans for the rest of the day: Wonderful

Cuddling with the Husband and watching old Lost episodes online: Wonderful

A day without anxiety attacks: Priceless.

~B

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I love this time of the year--Christmas week.

My hubby is usually home for the week after the Holidays and I love it.

We stay up late laughing.

We do projects.

We make good food.

Sometimes we don't make food at all= cereal.

We go sledding.

We sometimes go to a movie.

We just bum.

It's LUXURIOUS.

It's b e a u t i f u l.

It's pure family.

It's wonderful to have him around-he brings SO very much to the dynamic of this family.

Thank you, Hubby, for it all!!

And, Lord, with all gratefulness, thank you for this beautiful slice of life.

~B

He's Always Up to Something.....

Here he is with the bleach in his hair.

Here is the finished product.

It was a dare--that he happily took.

Ahhh! That's why I love him so darn much--
he's not afraid of being different.

~B

Winters-a-comin'

Winter work hours will soon be upon us.

This means less money.

We are "used" to the less money part at this time of year,

BUT there's a very large chance that my Hubby will get laid off or let go this year.

That sounds pretty scary.

I don't work but 18 hours a month--otherwise I am busy at home teaching the children, loving the children and drowning in housework.

It will be nice to have my hubby home more--not so nice to look at the dogs and wonder what size roast they would make (not to mention the taste).

My Hubby hasn't said anything to make me panic, he always keeps a cool head about these things, at least on the outside.

He tells me that the Lord can handle little, tiny details like him not having work
--with a wife that stays home.
--and 4 hungry children--that eat a lot.

I read a post one time about a family with four kids and the hubby lost his job.
They made the best out of it--they enjoyed themselves--and when I read her posts from then, they had such peace.

I need to practice that too.

And with Hubby home more--maybe we can really get creative with how we make those roasts....

~B

And I heard that carp from the river does not make good sushi. ; /

Um... it's me again.

Hubby,
I have modified my original want--unless, of course, you have
already purchased something from here for me.

Here is the new little ditty-above.
Children's names and our names in the smaller disc.
Our family scripture around the big disc.
$58.00.

Sounds simple enough for me.
~B

The Countdown is ON!

Hopefully~~in 24 hours ( or less) I will be in the arms of my hubby again!

~B

The Blessed Struggle

It's so hard to be fighting with a spouse when you are this far away from them.

It's so hard to be fighting with a spouse--period

It's SO hard.

We talked today about how we were fighting a lot and how we normally don't fight.

We spoke of how easy it would be, if we weren't married, just to break up.

We get lost in the hardness of life and we forget how wonderful it is when it is good (and it is SO good when it is good and it's good most of the time).

I see people getting divorces everywhere. They leave each other, they wipe their hands clean and they are done--or so they think.

They think that by leaving that one person, that they won't have struggles like that with the other person that they meet.

Do they think that they won't have hardships and struggles?

They will--guaranteed.

And then will they give up on that marriage?

It's a vicious cycle, people--don't give up on your spouse.

Don't give up on the sanctity of marriage.

It's God's plan--don't give up on it.

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him--And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2: 18, 23, 24

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:21, 22

" Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..." Ephesians 5: 25

"Why has the Lord abandoned us?" I'll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made to each other on your wedding day when you were young. But you have been disloyal to her though she remained your faithful companion, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn't the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. "For I hate divorce!" says the Lord, the God of Israel. "It is as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat," says the Lord Almighty. "So guard yourself; always remain loyal to your wife."

I think it's pretty clear what God is trying to tell us--every one of us.

~B

I Miss.

Do you remember when,
love was young
and
to see each-other was
such bliss?

Do you remember
stealing kisses?
And feeling on top of the world?

It was such bliss!

I still get so excited
to hear from you
and to see you!

I still look forward to every evening,
spending all of my energy and time with you.

It is good when you are around.
It is fun when you are home.

What a difference one person can make!
What a difference that you make!

~B

You Don't Have to, but It Helps.

What can I say to you, dear,
to get you to understand,
how very much I appreciate
the power that you hold in your hand

I snuck this photo of you washing up the kitchen this past Sunday
and I took it because I wanted you to know
that I noticed.

I notice when you help me around the house after a crazy day of educating/molding the children.
I notice when you put an extra load of wash in and quickly get it folded when I'm not even looking.

When you take this time to do this for me, it speaks to me that you care.
It tells me that you realize that I need a helping hand and even though the dishes will be soon piled up again at breakfast,
you know how it will lighten my ever busy load.

You don't have to do it, but goodness, it helps my heart so much.

~B

The Great Mystery

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

After learning about the couple that had lost their child, only three weeks away from actually having it, I was in a daze. I constantly talked about it to my husband. I told him, "Imagine, your first child, three weeks away from having it..... and you lose it." I pictured the woman lying in the hospital bed, quietly mourning their loss. Lying there with the incision that the baby was pulled out of, and now having to recover for nothing.

I again went to my husband. "Can you imagine, what would a couple do? How could they cope?" He patiently listened to my ramblings over and over again. "Oh, just think of their agony! Going through all of that and then holding a baby, that's life has already been finished." My husband kindly said to me, "Maybe this was the number of days that the Lord declared for this child."

Job 14:5 (NIV)

5 Man's days are determined;
you have decreed the number of his months
and have set limits he cannot exceed.

I quietly listened as he comforted me and my on-going thoughts.....The number of days.....

When my now 11 year old son was 18 months old, there was a story in the local newspaper about how an 18 month old boy had gotten run over in the driveway. The father was backing up and unbeknownst to the him, the little boy was behind the vehicle. The precious child was killed instantly.

I talked to my cousin soon after that and she told me that this family attended her church. She explained to me that the couple, without knowing how to cope, went to the Bible to find the answers. They sadly, but strongly declared that they were getting comforted by knowing that the Lord knows the number of our days. That the day we die, is the day that has been declared by him to die.

I went home and thought about this for a long time. It was a fact that I really had to wrestle with, and I still do sometimes. I sat there crying with my 18 month old son in my arms and wondering when the carpet would be pulled out from underneath me.

But is it that the "carpet gets pulled out from underneath" us? If we look at it like that, then this life is just a game show that God is controlling` where whenever He wants to "Whammy" us, He will.

But if we can step back~ if we are able to in hard, difficult times like that,~ if we understand the sovereignty of Christ, we can see this hope that this couple had found at the time of their greatest sorrow.

But it's hard. It's hard to see and understand Christ's plans for our lives. Sometimes the road is easy, other times it's harder than anyone can fathom~ like the loss of a child........

I asked my husband about the randomness of this baby's death, and he pointed me back to the Word of God. He explained to me how purposeless everything would be if we didn't have the Lord to show us how very purposeful life actually is.

This very baby, that had just three weeks left in the womb, died within that mother's womb. This very baby, was there for a reason. This tiny miracle didn't come purposelessly into this couples lives. This very baby came for a reason, unbeknownst to us mere humans, and we will only understand why it was here when we meet Christ face-to-face.

Matthew 10:29 (NIV)

29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.

So, I will hold onto the Word of my Father. I will try to understand better when things like this happen. I will pray for this couple as they go through this monstrous forest that they are facing right now.

Most importantly, I will trust in my Father and hopefully respect His authority over my life. I will go to His word and know that He is sovereign even when my life doesn't seem to make sense.

Job 13:15 (NIV)

15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; "

----------------------------------------

Psalm 71:5 (NIV)

5 For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.

~B

He Still Surprises Me

If you know my husband, you won't believe what he did last night.

We were at a music festival, we were walking around looking for a food booth, I saw the lead singer of MxPx, one of my hubby's favorite bands, and I told him. He then proceeded to ask me if I would take a picture.

I took his phone, thinking that my hubby wanted a picture of himself with the lead singer being in the background (without the lead singer's knowledge??), BUT no....

He walked up to the guy, said strongly: "Mike, Can you turn for a picture?" and he responded, "Sure, Yes." and he turned around, both smiling brightly....

So, here I was with the phone in my hand trying to believe what had just happened. Trying to believe that I could press the photo button correctly....

Obviously, I did okay. But wow! This goes into the category of "If You Don't Know Me By Now."

I never, ever knew my timid, quiet hubby would do this!

~B

Hero

In this world, I notice how women are not taken proper care of by their husbands. Women do not let themselves be cared for by men because it might be a sign of "weakness". Men don't allow themselves to take care of their wives because they maybe weren't properly taught by the examples in their lives or possibly because they are afraid that the women will retaliate and embarrass them for stepping in. It could just be that it's downright scary for them to have to face this part of being a male.

This women wants to be a damzel that is going to be taken care of by her knight in shining armor.

Recently something came about where I needed my knight. I never expected him to rise up so valiantly and honorably.....but he did.

He saw a wrong. He picked up his sword. He slayed the dragon (figuratively speaking).

I stand here in awe at the prince I have in my presence. What a wonder to behold that this knight is willing to get bloody and scarred just for me. Just because he loves me. Just because I am his and he is mine.

I don't think that he will ever be able to comprehend what respect I gained for him in doing this for me.

~B

Hubby Meme

He doesn't ever post on his blog, but he did this and so I am sharing.....
~B

Click here for his site.

Alaska: Revisited?

Last fall my husband went to Kodiak, Alaska, or maybe it's Kodiak Island, Alaska..... I don't know, but now is the time of year again where he has to decide if he should go again.

When I found out last year, my gut reaction was, "Well, of course this husband of mine needs to go! This has been a dream that he has always wanted to achieve. 'Lord, help me be selfless and blessed by his leaving.' I need to let him go."

But now, preparing my heart for him to leave again this fall, I am not feeling that way. I am feeling quite the opposite. When he said that the opportunity was again here, my heart didn't smile. My brain didn't work overtime trying to figure out how to try and make it work, it just sort of fell flat.

I really don't want him to go.

But I don't want to stand in his way either.

I don't want to be one of those women that controls their men into only doing what they, the wife, wants to do.

I don't want him to go. Am I being selfish?

Part of me says I am being selfish.

The other parts of me are saying, "Go ahead, be selfish, he doesn't need to go again......yet!!"

Last time he was gone 11 days.

This time it would be 19.....NINETEEN days.

This is a long time for this non-army wife.

I don't want him to go for so long.

I would maybe consider it if it was ten days. But this is too long.

Am I stifling him by not giving him this freedom?

I just don't know.

~B

P.S. to previous post (read that one before this one)

Just a side note to the last post I did.(Read previous post first, if you haven't already).

I had dropped hints at this guy, and he never would respond to wanting more in our relationship. It became a "fight". When we would talk about it, it was always me pressing the issue. I was frustrated by the amount of time that it was taking for the relationship to get going, he was frustrated by the fact that I was always nagging him to tell me more about where our relationship was going. It was a cycle.

Eventually he started spending more time with me and we reached a "plateau" where we no longer seemed just friends, but we hadn't taken any steps towards anything else. Just a natural progression, I guess. But it wasn't from my nagging that was causing us to be closer, it was just how it "happened".......

One unexpected day, months after all the arguing and nagging, he ended up giving me a small kiss. Nothing crazy-romantic like in the movies, but just an indication of his interest in me.

We took it slow, he wanted to take it real slow. Too scary to go too fast; I wish we would have gone even slower. For when passions are awakened, then that's when it gets serious and scary especially when your body wants to naturally move along and all your heart wants to do is honor the God Almighty.

We both wanted that. We both had incredibly "dangerous" desires for one another once we started down that slope of a romantic relationship.....

If my then-boyfriend (now my hubby) would have pushed me for s**ex, I would have put my desires first and done that with him. OH! But thankfully he had his head on straight...... he just wouldn't pass the line, and we ended up dating for two years (after being friends for one) and getting married and then passing that spiritual line.

I can't say much for my spiritual wholeness at that time, but it says a lot about his.

:)

~B

Honeymoon

As I was looking through honeymoon photos of me and my husband (from 14+ years ago), I was overwhelmed with the happiness of it all.

Here we were, 20 and 18, SO incredibly happy to just finally be able to start our lives with each-other. We had waited for almost three years to get married, (because Hubby was still in High School).

Oh, the sweet, sweet times we have together. Oh, the happiness, the laughter,
the contagious
L O V E of it all!

I explained to Hubby just the other day how incredible this time with him has been. How I can't understand it, but we've been so blessed in our marriage.

Keep smiling.
Keep joking.
Keep hugging.
Keep treading on.
and on.
Keep loving.
Keep being patient.
Keep forgiving.

Look back
and
remember.

Ahh, the wonderment of it all!

~B

Ever So Thankful.....

With all of the darkness and violence and mental illness invading the world. I stop and contemplate my little teeny-tiny family.

My ten year old loves me.

My other children love me.

and

They know they are loved.

Deeply.

Genuinely.

Really.

A gunman, in Omaha?

That's too close for comfort.

A mere 4 hours away.

8 people plus himself, killed?

Scary.

Sad.

The news said that when he was ten, he threatened to kill his step-mom.

I don't know his situations from his life.

I don't know who his parents were/are.

I just know that I am

deeply

Grateful

for having my kids here

with me.

I am thankful for having to yell at them for

"being too loud",

or

"not listening".

I would rather have that than

have one of them threaten my life.

I am so thankful for my home.

For my stable enviroment here.

I am thankful for my husband who is faithful

and

loving

and

God-fearing.

We all need a little more of that fear in our hearts, don't you think?

Thank you Father, for all of these humongous blessings that

you have bestowed upon this little family.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

~B

You leave again this weekend, and not for very long, but I'm not looking forward to being alone from you again. I am eagerly seeking to be a good wife; a spouse that happily opens their arms and lets their love fly freely to the destinations that they are needing to go to, but this time I am not ready.

We are just in a period of our relationship, where it happens that while you are coming from "Point A" and going to "Point B", I happen to try and stand in front of you quickly, trying to catch a kiss, but it usually feels like a miss. I miss the kiss because it went by my lips too fast to catch.

I know that I busy a lot too. I am not innocent in this all. But I want to slow down, to take deep breaths with you, to hold your hand (not just when we are sleeping), to stroll along this quickly passing highway. I want you.

I have taken so for granted the times that we used to spend together: just laughing, playing, just laying next to each other smiling. Those are the things in life that are free.....but oh so expensive! How does one recapture that heart, that patience of love, when life is buzzing by ones ears?

I am happy to let you have freedom, but oh, how much I need my own freedom: in your arms.

~B

Ahh, Alaska!

My husband is home.

He had an incredible experience and I am so thrilled for him.

He was there ten days and the eleventh day he was in the air.

We picked him up from the airport and he looked strong, but gently. I could see how happy he was to see us, although he was fighting off sleepiness. It was so good to see him.

He told us of how he saw anenomes, starfish, a killer whale, sea lions, bald eagles, mossy trees and salmon.

The people that he worked with up there were all much older than him by about 40 years. They worked on siding a cabin, inside and out. He also learned how to use a saw mill to make the trees into boards (the pictures are really great).

I could tell how much it meant to him to go up there. He just was so humbled by it all, so loving and so understanding about what a blessing this trip was for him and all that were involved. The older folks there took care of him. He said that it was noticable, and he appreciated it.

I am so thankful that he got to go, he so needed it.

~B

Alaska: Day 8

The left overs are sitting on the hutch needing to be put away.

The children are sleeping in my room.

The radio plays quietly and I am on this thing that they call the "internet".

I don't know if it's the mood or not, but it seems like everything I am reading is "doomsday-ish" and I don't like it one bit.

Two hunters killed in Alaska by a bear while hunting.

A plane crashes in another part of the world.

and the list goes on and on and on.

I shouldn't be on here you know, I should be putting away the left-overs, picking up the house from a busy weekend. I should be getting ready for a busy day at school, but nope, I'm on here, getting freaked out by bad news.

Oh yeah, and by the way, my husband said that he would call me around 9, and it's already 9:45pm. IF only I wouldn't have been reading the news!

The time that I have been away from my husband for this very short amount of time has been good for me. I have learned a lot about myself. That I need to not be so melodramatic and that I just need to handle it that he's gone. And I have done pretty well with it.

It's the distance that has been the hardest. I hate the distance. You know, if he was just 10 hours away in another state it would "feel" different, less strange. But he's there and I am here and it's just so.... DULL without him here!

Life is so much nicer with his spice around. I'll call him Se*xy Spice. ;-)

Hopefully soon he'll call and we'll chat for an hour and it will be utterly delightful. The phone calls from him have been scrumptious, I have just loved talking to him every night. It almost feels like we are dating again.....

I can't wait for Wednesday to come, I can't wait for the colors to be vibrant again.

Oh and by the way, I'm so glad that I am still this in love with my husband after all these years. :D I have been in love with him now for almost 18 years....EECK!! :)

~B