Alaska: Revisited?

Last fall my husband went to Kodiak, Alaska, or maybe it's Kodiak Island, Alaska..... I don't know, but now is the time of year again where he has to decide if he should go again.

When I found out last year, my gut reaction was, "Well, of course this husband of mine needs to go! This has been a dream that he has always wanted to achieve. 'Lord, help me be selfless and blessed by his leaving.' I need to let him go."

But now, preparing my heart for him to leave again this fall, I am not feeling that way. I am feeling quite the opposite. When he said that the opportunity was again here, my heart didn't smile. My brain didn't work overtime trying to figure out how to try and make it work, it just sort of fell flat.

I really don't want him to go.

But I don't want to stand in his way either.

I don't want to be one of those women that controls their men into only doing what they, the wife, wants to do.

I don't want him to go. Am I being selfish?

Part of me says I am being selfish.

The other parts of me are saying, "Go ahead, be selfish, he doesn't need to go again......yet!!"

Last time he was gone 11 days.

This time it would be 19.....NINETEEN days.

This is a long time for this non-army wife.

I don't want him to go for so long.

I would maybe consider it if it was ten days. But this is too long.

Am I stifling him by not giving him this freedom?

I just don't know.

~B