Just an Overwhelming Loneliness

I am so sad today. I am so lonely today.
It's summer outside and the world is screaming for me to do something, but yet I sit here, being alone and just having an overwhelming sadness around me.

I have friends, but no friends like the one I recently lost (she moved). Talking on the phone with her is nice, but it's just not the same as when we used to get together.

Now I feel like I took a hundred steps backwards in the friendship realm. No one to talk to and not one person to confide in about how alone I am feeling.

On another note, my husband and I have been working fervently on a marriage issue that keeps popping up. We went and talked to some "counselors" ~~GASP! and they really set us up on a good track. They gave us "assignments" to work on and suggested books to read.

So, we read the book, we did the assignments, life was really good....when we were working really hard. Now life seems to have gone back to where it was: I feel alone and misunderstood, he feels.... I dont know what he feels right now?

His work schedule has picked up, that's fine with me, but there's so much more to life than earning big bucks. Can't there be a happy medium when one works hard, where they keep a small part of their heart to share with the rest of the family?

I know he's working hard. I know that his heart is just trying to balance out life with the new work schedule. But it's such a lonely adjustment for me.

I don't know if he gets lonely in these situations.

I know that I can't depend on others to completely fill me. I need to go to God to be completely filled. But in my human capacity, I constantly am thinking that humans are the "need-filler" that I want.

What would make me happy right now? And whoever said that I needed to be happy at all times? No one is promised that, that's for sure!

So, anyway, this is probably something that belongs in my diary, but I decided to write it here instead.

~B