Expectations of Parenting

When the children were younger, the rules were so much easier.

• "Don't touch that."
• "Don't say rude words."
• "Don't hit."
• "Don't run out into the street."
• "Don't throw your food."
• "Touch the kitty softly."
  

These things are easy. These things are clear to my head.

But now, they are older. The rules are harder and it's more difficult to know what boundaries to put up and what freedoms to hand them.

Maybe it's the handing them part that I am failing at. Maybe I need to make them earn or work for what they expect???? It's so hard to know right now.

Example: When they were younger, table manners were a must. We were really patient with them; one can't expect a four year old to not spill food or to keep neat. But now that they are much older than that, I want to expect good table manners, but I also don't want to be the "table police" monitoring their every move...... I want them to feel the freedoms that they have earned, without me breathing down their necks.

I have been asking God to help me. I need to know what boundaries to put up for a 12 year old, 2 eleven year olds and a seven year old. I was ultimately "perfect" at knowing what to expect from them when they were younger, now I seem to fail at every attempt to do what I need to do.

See, the problem is that I want them to have freedoms. I also want them to respect their parents. It seems that the more freedoms we give them, the more they expect. EXPECT seems to be their motto right now.

They EXPECT to watch TV. They EXPECT to get computer time. They EXPECT to watch home videos whenever THEY want. They EXPECT to be able to goof off (in a disrespectful way) when they WANT to. And when these expectations are limited they look at me and tilt their heads and say "What?!?!" (in a round about way).

I know that it's MY fault.

I have set their standards lower than I should have. I need to teach them to be thankful, I need to teach them to appreciate what we give them. I need to teach them not to just EXPECT that everything will just fall into their lap.

I know that it's not just a "magic pill" that I can give them to get them to understand that life isn't just about getting. I know that it's something that starts the day they are born and you teach them as they grow. The toddler years were exhausting physically, now it's the mental exhaustion stage, I guess.

It's just that this stage seems so much more.........difficult.

Excuse me for my rambling. But I EXPECT that just by posting this, it will take a load off of my mind.

~B