My Two Passions

Lately, I have felt burdened, useless and replaceable. I sit and stare at the computer and wonder what life is worth if there is nothing to do. Sure, I have housework, but what value can one find in that? I can find NONE.

So, I have been feeling this empty sort of way. But then I noticed that that empty feeling would go away when I would do things that challenged my brain, instead of it just sitting there collecting dust.

I have many things that I am interested in: being a good parent, a really good wife, being involved in community things, helping others.... and the list goes on and on.

But the two things that I am unquenchingly passionate about are: learning about God and what He expects of me and learning about natural medicine.

I have had a passion for learning about homeopathy, a natural form of medicine for the past 11 years now. We went that direction when my newborn son wasn't getting better from modern medicine. We happened upon herbs and homeopathy through my cousin, who is a registered nurse. We saw results and I was sold.

Over the years, I have tried to absorb every little detail about homeopathy. I have learned a little bit more about other natural therapies, but mostly I have loved to study homeopathy.

Recently, I went to the naturopath and learned about "Rodding" and "Kineseology", things that I don't really know if I like or understand...yet. I am holding those methods at an arm's length, slowly trying to absorb what they try to accomplish with my body.

I am going to a small class this Thursday about "Muscle Testing" and homeopathy and bach flower remedies. I don't know much about the first and the third items, but my heart leaps with anticipation waiting for the class. I'm so looking forward to packing new items into my brain, something I can sit and chew on while I live my life. I need to always be learning.

I am the same way with God's Word. I get podcasts of Chip Ingram, Ravi Zecharias and other shows. I hadn't been listening to them lately, and I didn't correlate the fact that I wasn't learning with the fact that I felt useless and bored.

When I plug in a show and I do my odd jobs around the house, and I learn and learn and learn about the things that God wants from me and what He wants me to become, I feel my wings open and they start grabbing that wind that God so patiently waits for me to accept. I go to bed with God on my mind, and what my life needs to become. I look into my heart and see the darkness and I see how I need to get rid of it all and become more like Him.

I am so thankful that God has taken this opportunity to allow me to see a glimpse into my very own heart. He has allowed me to see what I need at this time to feel like I am accomplishing something.

I need to learn.
I cannot sit here and let my life go by without constantly filling my head with these two passions.

I need to learn.

~B