You

The warmness surrounds me, as the water surrounds me and envelopes my body. It gets higher and higher and higher. I don't know where to go. Where do I turn? I can't. Who can I talk to? No one. No one of the earthly realm.



See, I am slowly, painfully, sadly turning into someone else. I had believed that I could continue on the path that I was on. I had thought that the pain couldn't really exist for this long. I had really thought that I could change the ones I love. I really believed it.

But I can't.

I can't force someone's affection upon myself. I cannot make someone love me. They need to do it all on their own.

The pain that I experience at these times is all too encompassing. I cannot separate myself from the feelings of rejection that I am feeling. They can't understand why I need to be away from them. The lack of compassion and understanding is all too much for me to take in.

All of those years of trying so hard to get their attention. All of those wasted moments of my mind racing trying to do things to get them to notice me. It was all in vain. Those moments never held any power at all. I am completely powerless and completely at a dead end.

They hold the power in their hands to help the relationship. I can see it, but they cannot. They do not see it as pain, just as something that gets in the way of the weekend.

My heart is so hurting right now. It wants to not be here, but to be somewhere else. Somewhere where I can be me and I can be loved completely.

The world promises many things. It promises to make me happy by making me: rich, beautiful, young, attractive, and satisfied. These are all lies.

As I am lying here in this pool of sadness and drowning emotions; I turn to You.

Please help me. There's not much of me left. Can You take this away from me? Can You carry this burden? Please help me. I can't move an inch. I need You to lift me up out of this pool of blood.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

I will never make it without You.

~B