Little Fish in a BIG Sea

As a kid, I was always concerned with keeping all the other kids happy. If someone called me a name, I just got a lump in my throat and took it. If someone pushed me around, I did the same. I just didn't feel like it was right for me to push back, to defend myself.

Of course now I can see that that was a mistake and I am taking action with my children to try and help them see their worth and to not put up with junk like this with people. I can see now that it's fine to be mean in certain situations.

So, here I am, a mother to four children, that are absolutely peaceful kids. Sure, they get into regular fights with each-other and the like, but so far, they have really been compassionate with others and how they treat them.

But now I see how they are just like I was when I was a kid: too scared to defend themselves..... Too scared to lose a "friend" by telling that person to back off a bit.

We go to a little church in a little town and there are my four children, and a 12 year old, a ten year old and a handful of toddlers,etc. When my children go to church now, they have to deal with the very snotty 12 year old, especially if the ten year old is around.... it's not a good combination!

Tonight, while our church was having a special dinner, the kids were in another part of the building. These two girls decided to take it upon themselves to "critique" my two girls in a separate room while no one was around. It wasn't pretty.

The girls asked them questions like, "How much allowance do you get? Oh, that's all?, I get like $10 for helping around the house." Other stupid kid things like this. Things that make me want to come unglued and go up to those kids and scream!

One of the girls, who we tend to see a lot and who tends to be very snotty most of the time to my children, told my girls, "Well, your mom yells at me more than my mom, isn't that strange?" Yeah, it's strange, girl, because the next time I see you, my eyes will want to lazor beam your head......

So, after the festivities were finished at church, we got the low-down about how mean these two girls were to our girls, and it was such a terrible struggle to get my children to see how they need to stand up for themselves. It was so eerily like how I was, I just wanted to shake them by the shoulders and yell, "Don't be stupid, like I was!! You are worthy being treated well by these girls!!"

The problem is, that my girls want to keep the peace, they don't want to lose these "friends" and we tried to explain to them how that's not how friends are supposed to treat each-other consistently!

How in the world can I get them to understand that they don't need these people in their lives? And how can I get them to not be how I was!

I am older now and just learning/grasping the concept that it's okay to tell others not to treat me a certain way, and in some circumstances I am still too weak to stand up for myself!

I am hoping that my kids can learn, far better and earlier than I did to stand up for what's right.

~B