And Then Silence....

This morning, my mom and I decided that we would go to the nursing home to be with my Grandma before we went to do other things. We didn't really know what to plan for, but we just wanted to make sure to check in with her.
I was so sure that in the night she would have passed away. I dreamt that I saw my Dad talking to her doctor and the doctor was telling him how she had gone, when I woke up, she was still here.

When we got to the place where she was, the nurses filled us in on her blood pressure, her color, all that is important in telling one if death is close at hand. The hospice care nurse told us that her legs were getting discolored and that that was a sure sign of imminent death. She strongly encouraged us to get my extended family all together; that she could leave us soon or maybe in the evening, but that it was coming.

My mom , I and my children all sat around. I often held her hand, singing to her (something that she loved) and praying. A wonderful woman would come in and visit with us and pray over my Grandma and sing with us, it was so refreshing. So nice to be amongst another believer that felt perfectly comfortable sharing her faith and her prayers and her songs.

My Dad, my brother and my sister all came around the same time. We took turns letting Grandma know that we were there, each one of us doing our own thing. The kids played checkers and go fish, and they were really patient about it all. There were snacks to eat, and juice to drink. The kids would go for walks with family.

The day went pretty fast. The nurses would come in occassionally and check her blood pressure. They gently reminded us that the end would soon be near. It didn't seem possible that it would happen. I mean, I wanted her suffering to end, but it just didn't seem like it could really happen. it seemed like something that could only happen in a dream or on tv. It couldn't really happen to us, to me, to a family member of mine.

Around the 3 O' clock hour my sister and I and my mom were sitting by Grandma, with her labored breathing. She didn't seem to be responding to us much anymore, except for one time she blinked at us when I talked to her. But later she sort of sat up, shutting her gaping breathing mouth, and just looked a bit.... well, like she was going to die. My Dad and brother took the kids out of the room and went and watched tv for a while. The three of us just sat with Grandma.

At 4 O'clock I decided that since school hours were finished at the public school (I homeschool), that I would let my oldest watch the three girls at our house for a little while. When I got home, I just freshened up, ate something, encouraged the kids and went and picked up one of my son's friends so that he could play with him for the evening.

I got back to the nursing home about 4:45pm. My Grandma's color had changed and her breathing was quite a bit more shallow. I went and held her hand and sang to her. I noticed that her pupils were very large since I had come back, before I had left the pupils were very, very small. Both of her eyes were open and her breathing was very small. I held her hand, just intently watching her eyes. She didn't seem to be aware anymore. She didn't blink in recognition of things, she just wasn't there anymore.

My brother was watching her breathing and I saw what he was seeing too. It was becoming less, and less. Her hands were colder and colder. And then there was silence. No more of the gasping breath. Silence.

The nurse came in. Listened carefully to her heart and we just kneeled/sat/stood there taking in the moment. It was full of awe. Full of sadness. FULL of happiness. She spoke of the day that she would meet her Saviour many times, and now it had come full circle.

~B

I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

{Chorus}:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine