Anxiety

There's a stranger in my life.
He hasn't been around in a LONG time.
His name is: Anxiety.

I have been avoiding blogging because of this stranger.
I don't want to put my "thousands" of readers into the grasp of my anxiety--it all sounds like whining when I write it down on this blog.

But I'm breaking my silence-if just for a moment.

I just need to.

The storm cloud is still overhead, except it's just......darker.

A conflict with some people has made things terribly darker for this woman.
This conflict added to what was already a bad.....time.

I sit around and ask God: "What do I need to do to make this better?"
And the answer is always: "Nothing."

It's the nothing that's the hardest for me.
I want to jump right in and get in the heated argument so that we can get to the heart of the conflict.

I want to jump into that garden and pull that dang weed out.

But that's how I used to be.
Now I am trying a different way.
The back pains I suffer from waiting may kill me, but at least I'm trying to submit.

I stress trying.

As I type, my hands are icy cold.
That's how I get when I 'm struggling with anxiety.
It's a wonder to think how I even type, they are so freezing cold.

My heart leaps into my throat every time I think about what we're dealing with and all I can do is.......wait.

~B