Oh! Exhaustion!

Last month I had my normal period, but then soon after, I started spotting. I had a bit of pain and a lot of spotting and so I decided to go to the doctor.

My pap: normal
My exam: normal
My ultra-sound: beginnings of endometriosis

What in the world is that? Okay, women each have a uterus. The uterus has a lining. My lining is growing into my uterus, this is what's causing the pain (which is minimal). The doctor told my midwife that if I wanted to be agressive about this, that I could get a hysterectomy. Not. Going. To. Happen. I'm 34 years old for goodness sake, I am not going to get a scary hysterectomy! My midwife also mentioned that we could do hormone therapy..... wow, not an option for me either.

I have been exceptionally emotional and sensitive lately. Very thoughtful and down a lot of the time. I am lonely and feel like I am too much of a burden on all in my life. I need someone to talk to.

My friend told me yesterday that since I was spotting, that that would mean that my hormones would be fluctuating and that makes the emotions screwed up.

But all of my emotions, though heightened, are valid, right?

Or since it's hormones, does that make them "in-valid"?

These emotions, ugh, they are so hard. I have had such a hard year emotionally. It's been so hard.

I want the veil to come away from my face.

I want to fall into Christ's arms and just breathe.

I don't want to feel so black anymore.

I want me back.

~B