Marriage Unity

Uh, isn't marriage at times so hard? It's these times that I can see where people don't want to be strong enough, where they just want to put their hands up and say, "I'm done!"

Marriage is a sacred thing. A strange unity between two people and God. Strange because we take two people with totally different recipes and stick them in a house together and try to "mix them together".

My husband and I have been with each-other now for (combined total of friendship, dating, and marriage): 17 years. That seems so long. So old we must seem to younger people, how young I still feel. I am young. Just 34. But to think that I have been in love with this person for these many years, it's just amazing to me.

We hit a real hard spot in our marriage when we had been married for a few years. We had three kids under 2 and it was just a real hard time of introspection, with either one of us coming up for air long enough to see that the other needed to have some breathing space. We were both equally being selfish.

We seem to be in those muddy waters again; I with my spells of worry/distrust, he with his trying to deal with a relationship (ours) on top of much longer work hours than he's been used to. It has been equaling exhaustion on both of our hearts and minds. It's so complicated.

Marriage is a complex thing. One has to continually put themselves second to the other, and it's good for the soul to do that, but at times, it seems so dispairing.

I can look back on my marriage and see much, much more happiness than sadness and disgust, so I have to hold on to those times, and not onto the time that I am experiencing now.

I want to be a good wife, oh, if you only knew how much I want to be. And I try to be a good wife. But ugh, at times, these relationships are so hard.

But worth it.

~B