Rainy Sort of Feelin'

It's dreary outside. It made it look a lot darker out when I woke up, in fact I thought I had woken up too early. I have a black cloud over my head today. I don't know exactly why, just a myriad of feelings acquired over the past few weeks/months/days. Everyone that seems to mean something to me isn't anywhere to be seen. People that I have loved all my life seem to want to tell me to not be me. I feel like an animal that gets too excited to see them when they come and that animal gets punished and put away in the closet. "She's a fine little animal there, but it's just better if she's put away." It probably doesn't make a ton of sense to anyone reading this except me, so sorry for the ramblings.....

I think that I am having an ecclesiates moment or two (since spring I would have to say). Just growing pains, that's what my husband calls them. My heart/soul is growing, and it hurts. I don't really find comfort in anyone and I have to remind myself Who to go to. I don't know if that's grammatically correct or not, I want it typed that way anyway.

The weather matches my heart. Lonely, dark, a little afraid, a little scary. Wanting to be left alone just to lie there and think and pray, wanting to be amongst a few that truly love me, quirks and all.

In order to get gold pure, it has to be put under a lot of heat. All the sediments come out of it from that purification process. I know that I am far, far, far away from being purified, but I know that this pain is caused from that. I know that I am being purified. It is good, though very painful today.

~B