But Emily, It Wasn't All Good-I was Awkward and Still Had Some Hard Feelings.

We had the family Christmas today.

It was so awkward--Did the other people feel that way too?

When we walked in, it seemed like everyone had gotten into a huge fight and they were pretending that they hadn't. Or like they had just gotten back from a funeral.

My one daughter asked me innocently, "Why is everyone so grumpy here? Only L and R seemed to be happy." I told her that I thought that maybe something had gone horribly wrong before we came.

I am comfortable with "L", she smiles when she sees us and seems to forgive me when I act stupid.... but I have my guard so up when I am there with everyone else, that I just feel like a B*@#$.

I want to get to know the people that I don't get to see very often, but I don't know how.....

I just feel--guarded.

How can I stop feeling so guarded when I am there?

Hi, My name is "B", we met when your (son, nephew, cousin, grandson) was about 15. Could we try to meet again? I am sure that if I would meet you now, that then we wouldn't have preconceived notions about one another--we could just be--friends. Really, I'm not a B!@#$, I love to laugh and have fun and I'm not so darn serious like you assume that I am.....Let's get to know each other again?? And by the way, sorry that our paths have been so--sticky."

~B