Beyond the Crisis

An important repost (2006) from my old blog:

Beyond the Crisis by Shana Schutte

Beyond the Crisis by Shana Schutte

“Turn off the light,” Heather Gemmen murmured. She thought her husband, Steve, had returned from an evening at church. When Heather peeked out from the covers, she saw a strange man standing in her bedroom! A nightmarish experience followed. Once alone, she phoned Steve.

“You have to come home! You have to come home!” she pleaded. It felt impossible to admit what just happened. Shame engulfed her as she spoke. “I’ve been raped!”

The Choice

Heather had been pro-life since she was a young girl, but now her theology collided with the painful reality of a crime. What should she do? Counseled by her friends, pastor, Bible study group and husband to take the morning-after pill, she visited a physician. But she felt compelled to do her own research before she followed through.

“[If I were already pregnant,] I found that the pill would stop the egg from implanting in the uterine wall, which I considered to be an abortion. But I couldn’t handle the thought of being pregnant, so I took it within 72 hours, the time frame allowed for the pill to be effective, even though I knew it was wrong.”

Heather missed her period once or twice, but she was advised not to worry. “It’s because of stress,” the doctor and friends told her. Then she took a pregnancy test.

God Had Another Plan

The drug didn’t work. Heather’s emotions were conflicted, and she was confused. On one hand, she felt relieved of the guilt of abortion, but she was devastated by the thought of carrying a rapist’s child. Questions, confusion and more shame followed.

“I didn’t know if my husband could deal with it,” Heather admitted. “Would he leave me? What would my family and friends say? I could logically evaluate my situation and knew I was innocent, but I didn’t feel innocent.”

Heather withdrew from nearly everyone in her life, stopped attending church and wanted to lash out at anyone who dared to quote Jeremiah 29:11. “I didn’t believe things would work out for my good — or that I had a future and a hope. I just believed the worst.”

A Wanted Child

A sign of hope emerged when Heather and Steve, still adamant against keeping the baby, phoned a couple they knew was good with children. Heather and Steve asked, “Could you parent this child?” The couple said yes, and they considered the offer an answer to prayer.

But later, Heather was confused by her feelings about adoption. She was grieved by the thought of losing the baby, and she then realized the truth. “I love this child, and I am her mother.” God opened Heather’s eyes, and her heart settled on keeping the baby. But what about Steve?

At the same time, Steve also began to embrace the idea of keeping the baby. Concerned church friends shared a story with him about a family who had a similar experience and was still able to love the rapist’s child. “It opened Steve’s eyes to what was possible,” Heather said. The Gemmens began to think, This is our baby.

God's Hands and Feet

Though not yet a full celebration of life, the Gemmens’ church, family and neighbors helped to usher in a greater joy. The community rallied around and did whatever they could to help.

“They brought us food, gave us a watchdog and had police check up on us,” Heather said.

For a time, Heather regretted telling anyone. “I felt my whole identity had changed. Heather the worship leader was now Heather, the one who had been raped.” She couldn’t bear seeing people who knew her story, so she hid at home embarrassed, isolated and alone.

“But they [the community] loved me anyway,” Heather said. Their care for my family was tangible, and they loved us so much that there wasn’t room in my heart for bitterness and shame. You can’t hold love and shame in your heart simultaneously.”

Just Love

As the months passed and Heather’s baby grew, so did her enthusiasm. Heather went shopping and bought clothes for herself as well as the necessary baby items. With the excitement of the preparation, love grew in the Gemmen home.

By the time baby Rachel arrived, the experience was no longer tainted by painful memories. “It was a beautiful moment of receiving a new life,” Heather said. The only emotion left was love.

Rachel is now a bubbly and energetic 9-year-old. She’s Daddy’s girl, and Steve is enthralled by her. There have been moments when he has looked at Heather and asked, “Can you imagine if we would have never had a daughter?”

After the work of love God did in Heather and Steve’s heart, they also adopted a young boy from their neighborhood — another testimony of the power of forgiveness. About her son, Heather says, “He is so loving. I know he is going to change the world.”

A New Picture of God

Much change has happened through Heather’s heartache, including her view of God. “The rape has changed my view,” Heather said. “I don’t see God as a jolly, old man in the sky any more.” Heather’s childlike picture of God has been replaced by a deeper truth that brings comfort — a God who is her Provider and Sustainer, a God who grieves when she experiences pain.

“God is compassionate yet big enough to handle any problem,” Heather said. “I’ve found I don’t need to minimize my pain. I don’t have to say ‘Oh, everything is fine’ when it’s not. Yes, there are a lot of tough things that happen in life, but God is good.”

Shana Schutte is an editor for Focus on the Family’s Internet Department.