If you wanted to know

I may or may not start a blog in the distant future.

If you want to follow me when I start it up again, just e-mail me and I might remember to include you. ; )

Thanks,

~B

Bloggy

I'm thinking about dumping this blog.
Too much in my life is going on right now.
I can't share as freely as I want to.
It's all too personal.

Blech.

~B

Anxiety

There's a stranger in my life.
He hasn't been around in a LONG time.
His name is: Anxiety.

I have been avoiding blogging because of this stranger.
I don't want to put my "thousands" of readers into the grasp of my anxiety--it all sounds like whining when I write it down on this blog.

But I'm breaking my silence-if just for a moment.

I just need to.

The storm cloud is still overhead, except it's just......darker.

A conflict with some people has made things terribly darker for this woman.
This conflict added to what was already a bad.....time.

I sit around and ask God: "What do I need to do to make this better?"
And the answer is always: "Nothing."

It's the nothing that's the hardest for me.
I want to jump right in and get in the heated argument so that we can get to the heart of the conflict.

I want to jump into that garden and pull that dang weed out.

But that's how I used to be.
Now I am trying a different way.
The back pains I suffer from waiting may kill me, but at least I'm trying to submit.

I stress trying.

As I type, my hands are icy cold.
That's how I get when I 'm struggling with anxiety.
It's a wonder to think how I even type, they are so freezing cold.

My heart leaps into my throat every time I think about what we're dealing with and all I can do is.......wait.

~B

Ahhh!

Buying my friend some tulips and a vase: Wonderful

Spending time with that friend and just talking: Wonderful

Going home with no plans for the rest of the day: Wonderful

Cuddling with the Husband and watching old Lost episodes online: Wonderful

A day without anxiety attacks: Priceless.

~B

He Can See Something Else

Like Samwise, I am here for you.

We will make it up this daunting mountain.

We will help each other as we climb.

Your hurt is more than mine, yet I love you and so, a lot of the time,

I think I almost hurt as strongly as you.

I see your tears.

I see your writhing in emotional pain and I hurt.

We will make it--it doesn't seem like it will be a "fun" ride, but we will make it.

"From this one moment I can't see very far, From this one moment I'm square in the dark, These are the things I will trust in my heart: You can see something else." ~S. Groves

He sees something else.

He sees the intricately woven tapestry.

It's beautiful, yet ferociously created.

Life is so heavy and painful right now for you, and for me--it's going to be a beautiful creation when it's over and we can look back on it.

Because He is in control.

I promise.

~B

Sorry about all the video posts...

I like.

Bristol Palin's teenage pregnancy PSA @ Yahoo! Video